L. A.’s Lighter Side!

CowsCommentary & Analysis


L. A. Marzulli

Thanks to Pastor Caspar McCloud for lightening up our day!

This joke is actually a pithy way to get a quick grasp on all of the “isms!”

TWO COWS  {Matthias Varga}

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
You sell them and retire on the income

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

You have two cows.
You worship them.

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…

June 13-14: Nephilim Mounds II – SOLD OUT!


Gary Stearman will be Joining Russ and L. A.!  

We have limited seating so register soon!



Pre-sale for WATCHERS 8 – Cloak of Secrecy!

Go to http://www.lamarzulli.net and save $5.00  

Expect a MID – JUNE Delivery!



L. A. Marzulli’s Speaking Schedule 2014

L. A. 2013 PHOTO 23New Years Eve! December 31 – Calvary Chapel Oceanside – Southern Cal. http://www.calvaryoceanside.org/upcoming-events/item/322-l-a-marzulli-2014.html

Watcher’s 7! Screening in Southern California – Saturday – Feb. 1st. 7:30 pm – Just Cause Motion Capture Stage – 4130 Del Rey Ave. Marina Del Rey!–done

February 21-22: Decoding the End Times Bible Conference! www.theprophecyforum.com–done

March 28-30: Prophecy In the News! Orlando www.prophecyinthenews.com –done

April 5 & 6 – Dominion Christian Centerhttps://www.facebook.com/dominioncc?ref=hl–done

April 25 -27: Behold the Days are Coming Conference http://www.412church.org   

May 5-15: Peru tour with L. A. Marzulli & Brein Foerster!

June 13-14: Nephilim Mounds II – www.nephilimmounds2.com

June 28-29: The War of Art! Southern California! https://www.facebook.com/events/477292755732768/

July 25-27 – Prophecy in the News Colorado! www.prophecyinthenews.com

October 24-25: Strategic Trends with Chuck Missler – Details coming soon

November 7- 9: Tri State Prophecy Conference – W/ Gary Stearman & Russ Dizdar November – OK City conference – details coming soon.

To book L. A. Marzulli please email him at la@lamarzulli.net L. A. Marzulli shares the platform with a variety of speakers with many different world views. Marzulli does not endorse anyones world view unless specifically noted.



end timeIn Other News: Tracking the Birth Pains!

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Temple Mount



Jerusalem will be a cup of trembling….






News in 2 Minutes!



Fukushima Update



End Times Prophecy


54 thoughts on “L. A.’s Lighter Side!

  1. Ha, ha! Wow! Love the analogies, simple and accurate!

    In the meantime, Bilderberg 2014, is in full swing in Denmark. Paul Joseph Watson from Infowars.com along with another blogger/journalist, has been evicted from his hotel for reporting on the Bilderberg elitists.

    Bilderberg 2014 Agenda and Names have already been revealed:


  2. did you see — alien encounters seventh sense …
    – is this the next phase of the enemy angel plan?
    – on the order of sci fi as self-fulfilling divination
    – as “nothing that they imagine will be restrained”
    – manipulated by enemy angel tech…..


    tags: gravity, low earth orbit collisions, nanotech alien craft fallout, grid baby hybrids from “alien flu,” global corporate reverse engineers, rf interfaced brains, hive mind

    Did this already happen long ago, where biology is nanotech?

  3. Thank you L.A.

    I was having the worst day today! Thankyou for making me smile even for a few minutes!
    That was good! 🙂

    • Michelle….

      Have some milk and cookies……..always can make a bummer day into a SMILEY one! 🙂

      Besides….we have plenty of cows…..and the milk’s free ( I think ) … or maybe the cow’s free…or maybe someone shot the milk.

      Hmmmmm….that’s kinda full of holes. Must be swiss !! 😉

      Just “milking” this one for all it’s worth….Ha ha ha.

      Hope your day gets much better !!!

    • Thank you Kirk,
      After This I had taken to reading Psalms. Psalms is like quick medicine for your soul. It gets your head out of a slump and redirects your mind as to what the important things are in life.
      Thank you for being so kind, I guess everybody has bad days once in a while. In heaven there will be No Bad Days!

    • Yepper….Psalms is often a great book too go to because the range of emotions are very easy to relate with and God understands us
      better than we do ourselves. I am very glad He put Psalms in there for us! I pray the Psalms and Proverbs a lot….so honest and real.

      It’s a good thing we only get one day at a time!


  4. Wonderful cow humor. Thanks! I like all of them, but the best is about Britain having two mad cows.

    • Additionally to that, ….about the two British cows….

      Two British cows were standing in a field and one turns to the other and asks
      “So, what do you think about this mad cow disease?”
      The other replied
      “Eh, …won’t affect me. I’m a helicopter!”

  5. Globalism

    You have no cows.
    You blame cows for global warming.
    You charge meat eaters carbon credits.
    Convert to vegetarianism.
    Divert profits to 3rd world countries
    and retire there to avoid taxes and
    vacation in New Zealand.

    • Azureceu! Good one! That one should be “COW-nted” in with the others on L.A.’s list!

      Hope you are getting an “after-vacation” rest (from jet lag, too), before any work projects begin.

      Despite the long, drizzly wait and long walk up the steps of Notre Dame, I hope that your various travels were, overall, very enjoyable and worthwhile. Interesting recent politics and other current happenings going on in France and elsewhere now in Europe, too, n’est-ce pas?

    • Linda, I`m hyper-tasking to get the routine engine up to speed, taking the occasional break to eat those Belgium chocolates I smuggled back :0)
      The wife smuggled a lot of booty back from Europe and we have 100 Europeans left over from the budget. Just to add I enjoyed Madrid just as much as Brussels and Paris.
      Spring is in the air in Europe and the EU is in pangs to perhaps give birth to a president soon?

      Fetchez la vache I say.

    • “http://247wallst.com/special-report/2014/05/23/seven-states-running-out-of-water/2/”
      Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona, Kansas, New Mexico, Nevada, California

      We are getting relief in Texas, mercifully. But if water turns to blood…

      Revelation 11
      4 These are the two olive trees, and the two candlesticks standing before the God of the earth.
      5 And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies:
      – and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed.
      6 These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy:
      – and have power over waters to turn them to blood,
      – and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will.

    You have two cows.
    Business seems pretty good.
    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    Sign me up,I like this one.

  7. What you plant, you reap…


    …with increase.:mrgreen:

    • Revenge is bovine.

      Cowmooflage by Britax

      The Cowmooflage fashion by Britax is a fun pattern for baby. The cow pattern is fresh and modern.


    • For a variety of reasons…
      – I think flying critters are problems
      – if cats could fly — there’d be no birds
      – if pigs could fly — all manner of improbabilities occur
      – if cows could fly… I’d suspect they’re hybrids from abductions
      /// but I gotta say, bird droppings are problem enough

    • A spaghetti western with meat balls (flying Cow Glitch)

      You gotta watch your steps when the chips are down:

  8. Rose, just had a chance to see your question to me from yesterday’s post about the salute in the image you posted.

    It looks like a Nazi salute, being done all the way back in the 1800’s! Yes, I wonder why they would have those black children do this type of salute? I did a quick search on the origin of the Nazi salute. The wikipedia link below suggests that a 1784 painting in the Louvre shows it may have started in ancient Rome. (The painting is on the link too.)


    • Actually it was not the above link, but the one below. (The above link was referenced in the link below.)

      But also ….. the link below mentioned that the Nazi salute may have once been used in Canada by the Boy Scouts!


    • A good deal of the types of warfare we saw in the WW 1&2 were in the Civil War: battles fought within 20 miles of train tracks, concentration camps, and now this salute. It’s chilling.

      There were concentration camps for American soldiers on both sides.

    • Isn’t it chilling to think that the American flag, Old Glory, would be saluted this way by children? I wonder if that was how all children were taught – even in Canada!.

      Thank you for the links. I didn’t know that the Nazi salute was illegal in Germany and Austria. It’s so strange that something once so common has been turned into an anathema.

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
    twenty times the milk.

    There should be a bit more to this one… redesign them in a way that is far superior in quality and workmanship than the original they are redesigning.

    Poor Motown,beaten at their own game.

  10. I Love today’s lighter side. Don’t forget the talking cows of FarmersOnly.com. It makes me chuckle.

  11. 4 International Businessmen, a Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were discussing business during a dinner.

    Catholic: “I have a large fortune… I am going to buy CITIBANK!”
    Protestant: “I am very wealthy and will buy GENERAL MOTORS!”
    Muslim: “I am a fabulously rich prince… I intend to purchase SABIC!”

    They then all wait for the Jew to speak…
    The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says: “I’M NOT SELLING!”

    • Nice one, Matt! 😉

      Two insurance salesman, at a bar, could be heard by a pastor, discussing their insurance policies… The first insurance salesman says, “Our policies are that good we’ll cover you from the cradle to the grave!” The second insurance salesman said, “Our policies are so good we’ll cover you from the womb to the tomb!” The pastor leans over and says, “Our policies are that great, we’ll cover you from erection to resurrection!”

      Thank you very much! 🙂

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