The Lighter Side: My Wife is Gone and I Am a SLOB!

Men as slobsOK… I’ve been BLOGGING about some weighty stuff all week. Let’s give it a rest and have a little something on the Lite side. I’m not talking watered down beer here, either. My wife, who brings out the best in me has been gone for almost ten days. She returns tomorrow – strike up the marching band and light the fireworks! At first it was great to have some time on my hands. That lasted about 15 minutes. I soon began to realize how vacant life was without her. Now the fun part begins. Survival without her! I was lamenting to a friend how quickly the dishes were piling up in the sink and I didn’t know what do with them all! He replied with the wisdom of a confirmed bachelor, “You just have one bowl, one spoon, and one cup and clean up as you go… that’s it.” The light bulb went off in my head and I immediately thanked him for his deep insight into one of life’s most mysterious conundrums. Next came the sock and under-ware drawer. Now when the wifey is home this is a magic drawer, as it is always filled with one of the essentials of life… clean under-ware and socks! Something, however was desperately wrong. The contents in the drawer was rapidly diminishing with each day, until it reached a point where it was almost empty. Now came the hard part. I had to actually find where the washer and dryer were located in our house. This took some doing and after a three hour safari, I finally stumbled onto them, quite by accident. Now that I had the accoutrement’s of laundry cleaning at the ready, I sorted out the darks from the whites – I’m not a Neanderthal you know – and very carefully turned the magic dial to wrinkle free wash – whatever that means. To my delight the water began to pour in and after I added a half of cup of laundry detergent that was at the ready, I closed the lid and went off to watch the Golf match on T.V. While watching the fantastic exploits of Tiger Woods, I soon began to realize that my stomach needed some attention. At the commercial I rose from my “throne” and made my way to the “Frig.” Opening the door, I peered into that cold, vast, waste-land hoping to spy some left overs. Much to my consternation there were none. I was left to my own devices. I rummaged through our cupboards and soon produced a dusty can of Beef-e-ronnie. Now I haven’t eaten Beef-e-ronnie in I don’t remember how long. But get this – how times have changes – the can had a pop top! That meant that I didn’t need to use a can opener, which I didn’t have a clue as to the location of, and after popping the top I threw the contents into my single-washed-and ready-bowl and fired up the microwave. Ahhhh a feast fit for a King! Here King! (My fictitious dog is wagging his tail!) The bed hasn’t been made since the day she left. The fifteen pillows which festoon the bed have been stacked in the corner collecting dust. It’s not like anybody going to see them, right? There’s a pile of dirty clothes, in the corner, that my dog is using as sleeping mat – I have to get to those. There are more clothes hanging from the hooks on the closet door, the problem being is that I’ve run out of hooks. There’s an ant trail to the garbage can that needs to emptied, the recycling stuff needs to be taken out, the dog’s water bowl needs to be filled, and I wont’ mention the dust-balls peering out from underneath the furniture that are starting to glow…. As I write this I’m sitting with the same T-shirt that I’ve worn for, I think three days…. But I only wear it when I’m working out side, that’s OK right?. It’s lunch time and I’m hungry…. better forage in the cupboards and see what I can fry in the magic-micro! The good news is she comes home tomorrow! I feel like Robinson Caruso and I’ll be glad when my “Friday,” who is ever so much more than that, returns!

14 thoughts on “The Lighter Side: My Wife is Gone and I Am a SLOB!

  1. lynn,

    wow youre a better man than i am, i COULDNT let my wife go for 10 DAYS!

    i dunno maybe im a bit too clingy for my own good, but yeah. its like that.

    HA! thats funny about the beef-a-ronie!

    oh wait… did you check the expiration date on that can? lol 🙂

  2. My husband is 100% Greek, 2nd generation, grandparents, both sides immigrated to Canada and the US. In the Greek culture, the house and all that is connected with it, is the woman’s domain. I’m not Greek and don’t ascribe to that mentality so I encourage my beloved to be the independent person he was before he married me. Yeah, right. We both work except his work ends when he comes home and my “other” job begins. To be fair, he has a difficult job and it is mentally draining and the issues he deals with sometimes wake him up at night. He also takes care of our investments and the household accounts. I couldn’t balance a checkbook, if my life depended on it but somehow when I was single, I was never overdrawn. God’s grace.

    Over the years, I’ve sputtered and spewed about his lack of participation in the household upkeep. I always know where he’s been as there is always abundant evidence to support the fact that he has passed that way. Luckily, we have a small apt so its not like we have to do anything except call the maintenance people when something needs repair.

    Finally, one day day it hit me. When I was single, my place was neat and clean and everything in its place. Now, its still “clean” but everything is not in its place and the chances of it getting there without my assistance is nil at best. But the pants on the doornobs, the dinning room chairs that double as a coat closet, the dishes on the kitchen counter that somehow just can’t seem to manage the extra four inches to the dishwasher, shout loud and clear that there is someone in my life who loves me dearly and to whom I have had the priviledge of being his wife for the last 21 years. I pray, God willing, we have at least that many more.

  3. Gov. Schwarzenegger is being pressured more from all sides to sign this

    bill. If signed, SB 572 would pressure every California public school to

    have an official Harvey Milk Day promoting the homosexual, bisexual, and

    transsexual agenda to children as young as kindergarten. The sky is the

    limit on what a school considers suitable commemorative exercises. This is

    written so broadly, SB 572 could allow gay-pride parades on campus,

    cross-dressing, and homosexual marriage dramas, etc. It all going to come

    down to how much pressure California’s governor feels. Remember, last year

    the Democrat- controlled Legislature passed Harvey Milk Gay Day, but

    Schwarzenegger vetoed it. This year, Schwarzenegger is being lobbied more

    heavily by homosexual activists. Sean Penn, who played Harvey Milk on the

    big screen, and Milk’s homosexual activist nephew, have both personally

    lobbied Schwarzenegger to ask him to sign SB 572. Other differences from

    last year is that there are four more Democrats in the Assembly voting for

    Harvey Milk Gay Day. And for the first time, a Republican, Senator Abel

    Maldonado, is supporting this anti-traditional family value bill.

    Make this call, it will only take about 60 seconds to complete.

    Call: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger at 916-445-2841. This is an automated
    Call. Listen to the recorded message and press in the following order:

    1 for (English)

    2 for (legislation)

    1 for (SB572)

    2 is (against)


    Further Info:

    • Done. The first time it was busy. Got through the second time.

      I fear for my home State. They are just asking for judgment. They’ve already had fires. I hope the Gov has the you-know-what to veto this bill. Oremus!

  4. L.A.

    And your REALLY going to leave such a love mess
    for her when she comes home?

    You may never get a 10 day reprieve again.

    In addition to the typical wifely duties of the house I also have to fill the role of handyman since my husband is mechanically challenged.

    I’ve figured out that if I pretend that I don’t know how to do something then he might actually attempt at figuring it out. He has in fact done so a few times which has boosted his confidence level.

    I know-this would be considered the deceptive wiles of women but you should see how he gleams when he learns how to do something mechanical-like run the dishwasher or screw in a light bulb.

    I told him how to run the washing machine but he came back & said we had no laundry detergent. I said of course we do it’s that Arm-n-Hammer brand sitting on the dryer. He argued with me for 10 minutes that if he put that brand of detergent in the washer that the baking soda would blow it up.

    After I assured him that it was specifically made for the washing machine he told me that the reason why I wasn’t concerned is because I never took chemistry.

    Oy Vey!

  5. Hi Lynn,

    I feel your pain Bro. But really. Beef-a-roni? Don’t you have drive thru Fast food or microwave burritos? I mean, you have your health to think about! : )

    Kevin J.

  6. I need to copy and paste this……your experience is classic…..I need to show this to the men in my life……underwear does have a habit of running out now and then!!! hahahahaha

  7. lynn,

    if you dont have the house cleaned up i hope you are prepared to be beaten with many blows…hehe… XD

    ya see, its a biblical term…many …blows… yuk yuk… >___>

  8. I am “Oscar”. My husband is “Felix”. He also fixes everything and mows the lawn. And cooks. I am so lucky 🙂

  9. lynn,

    thanks for lightening things up with this post…
    ya know, sometimes the subject of ufology can become almost doom and gloom…
    even for the Christians!

    but i saw that one vid by that guy who started alien resistance…
    the one where, one by one, he begins to call people up to the front,
    and all these people have been delivered from being abducted…

    i mean, we should be rejoicing!

    (speaking for myself)
    and ya know, i know that this is serious business and all that,
    but we can sometimes lose the forest for the trees, so to speak…

    Revelation 12:11 (King James Version)

    11And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

  10. Breaking news: Mega UFO event as millions see ‘motherships’ in China

    Michael Cohen

    Two huge, rotating, glowing, mist shrouded saucer-shaped mother-ship type UFO have been seen by millons of residents in the Chinese cities and regions of Shahe, Xingtai, Ren County, South County, as well as Yongnian County.

    The event occurred on the evening of 20 August beginning at around 8:30pm.

    The UFO crafts hovered above, making large circles over the area, for over two hours and had locals terrified. Police received thousands of calls regarding the UFOs and various government authorities have rushed to the area to investigate further.

    Officials have offered explanations as to what the object was. One theory is that it was a laser light show. Another that it was a bizarre weather pattern.

    Interestingly China’s mainstream media outlets conceded that the many witnesses who saw the UFOs were certain it was neither of these things.

    The event has been widely reported by media within China.

    Numerous photos were taken and one alleged image of the UFO can be seen below.

    Source: China Daily

  11. Wow!! I am almost speechless! Your wife must have needed 10 days away if she works so hard around the house. You don’t even take the garbage out? My husband takes out the garbage, mows the lawn, and sometimes does the dishes. It would be really nice if you have so much time on your hands to at least take the garbage out, clean a few dishes, and make the bed before she gets home. I think most people should be able to figure out how to do that. Poor thing, she will probably be tired when she gets home. Maybe you could have a romantic beefaroni dinner waiting for her when she gets home!! You should take a domestic survival training course in case she ever leaves you again. Maybe your wife could put a GPS locator on the washing machine and leave you with a can opener for emergencies. God bless her! She must love you dearly.

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