The Lighter Side: My Wife is Gone and I Am a SLOB!
Posted by lamarzulli on August 21, 2009
OK… I’ve been BLOGGING about some weighty stuff all week. Let’s give it a rest and have a little something on the Lite side. I’m not talking watered down beer here, either. My wife, who brings out the best in me has been gone for almost ten days. She returns tomorrow – strike up the marching band and light the fireworks! At first it was great to have some time on my hands. That lasted about 15 minutes. I soon began to realize how vacant life was without her. Now the fun part begins. Survival without her! I was lamenting to a friend how quickly the dishes were piling up in the sink and I didn’t know what do with them all! He replied with the wisdom of a confirmed bachelor, “You just have one bowl, one spoon, and one cup and clean up as you go… that’s it.” The light bulb went off in my head and I immediately thanked him for his deep insight into one of life’s most mysterious conundrums. Next came the sock and under-ware drawer. Now when the wifey is home this is a magic drawer, as it is always filled with one of the essentials of life… clean under-ware and socks! Something, however was desperately wrong. The contents in the drawer was rapidly diminishing with each day, until it reached a point where it was almost empty. Now came the hard part. I had to actually find where the washer and dryer were located in our house. This took some doing and after a three hour safari, I finally stumbled onto them, quite by accident. Now that I had the accoutrement’s of laundry cleaning at the ready, I sorted out the darks from the whites – I’m not a Neanderthal you know – and very carefully turned the magic dial to wrinkle free wash – whatever that means. To my delight the water began to pour in and after I added a half of cup of laundry detergent that was at the ready, I closed the lid and went off to watch the Golf match on T.V. While watching the fantastic exploits of Tiger Woods, I soon began to realize that my stomach needed some attention. At the commercial I rose from my “throne” and made my way to the “Frig.” Opening the door, I peered into that cold, vast, waste-land hoping to spy some left overs. Much to my consternation there were none. I was left to my own devices. I rummaged through our cupboards and soon produced a dusty can of Beef-e-ronnie. Now I haven’t eaten Beef-e-ronnie in I don’t remember how long. But get this – how times have changes – the can had a pop top! That meant that I didn’t need to use a can opener, which I didn’t have a clue as to the location of, and after popping the top I threw the contents into my single-washed-and ready-bowl and fired up the microwave. Ahhhh a feast fit for a King! Here King! (My fictitious dog is wagging his tail!) The bed hasn’t been made since the day she left. The fifteen pillows which festoon the bed have been stacked in the corner collecting dust. It’s not like anybody going to see them, right? There’s a pile of dirty clothes, in the corner, that my dog is using as sleeping mat – I have to get to those. There are more clothes hanging from the hooks on the closet door, the problem being is that I’ve run out of hooks. There’s an ant trail to the garbage can that needs to emptied, the recycling stuff needs to be taken out, the dog’s water bowl needs to be filled, and I wont’ mention the dust-balls peering out from underneath the furniture that are starting to glow…. As I write this I’m sitting with the same T-shirt that I’ve worn for, I think three days…. But I only wear it when I’m working out side, that’s OK right?. It’s lunch time and I’m hungry…. better forage in the cupboards and see what I can fry in the magic-micro! The good news is she comes home tomorrow! I feel like Robinson Caruso and I’ll be glad when my “Friday,” who is ever so much more than that, returns!
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